Enough is Enough

When I first read the material for my Bible study this week, the word ENOUGH jumped out at me.  My first thought was of something my Mom used to say to me and my siblings when we were much younger and being quite disobedient, "I told you I had enough of that behavior, and enough is enough!"  I learned pretty quickly that this exclamation was a precursor to discipline; if things had progressed this far my Mom's capacity for our misbehavior was completely full!

As I thought back to those days, I realized it was a perfect way to understand the word "enough" and how it applied to my relationship with God.  I looked up some dictionary definitions of the word enough and found these: 

"Sufficient to meet a need or satisfy a desire"

 "Equal to what is needed"

 "An adequate number or quantity"

My mother was completely saturated with our bad behavior--she did not need to experience any more of it--her cup was full!  That is exactly the kind of fullness we are promised when we are told "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2Cor 12:9) or "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:19) These verses assure us that God is enough; we can even plug His name into the definitions above and see that it reads just like these texts:

My God is sufficient to meet my needs or satisfy my desires

My God is equal to what I need

My God is an adequate amount or quantity

I know some people might argue that the last definition of God as enough seems kind of lame, but I would disagree.  God IS an adequate amount or quantity.  He is the perfect fit--never more or less than what we need.  Yes, His love overflows in our lives but He is never intrusive or obnoxious or "in your face" about anything--He is always exactly what is needed.  

When we think of God that way, we realize that "Enough is Enough" is the perfect description of God's presence in our lives.  Whether He is providing wisdom for the difficult choices, strength for the impossible tasks, or peace for the unbearable storms, He is always exactly what is needed.  

"Enough is Enough" also brought to mind what God called Himself as He met Moses in the desert at the burning bush.  "I AM that I AM"  I've always loved this name of God because it really captures the essence of God in these few short words.  God is God; He is everything.  Because of that, God is always Enough.

I Am Not A Barbie Doll

Comparisons have been a struggle for me since the day my sister was born.  But, it didn't stop there--with each new sibling (there are four of us) another competitor entered the ring.  Just as my youngest sister arrived, I entered Kindergarten and found out there were a lot of kids all trying to get the attention of one teacher!  They all needed hugs and encouragement, and so I learned more about sharing both toys and affection.  I think that's how the trap of comparison begins.  The lesson that it's "not all about me" is an important one, but somehow it is so easily distorted into a message that we will never be as good as the others around us.  At least that's how it is for many of the women I know. 

We compare our appearance, our education, our children, and our spouses.  We compare our recipes at church potluck dinners and the decor in our homes.  In nearly every woman's mind is a small voice asking

"Why can't I cook like she does?"

"Why are my children the only ones acting up?"

"How does she get her hair to do that?"

"When will I get my act together and get my house decorated like hers?"

"Why did she get credit for her project, but I didn't get any for mine?"

 The devil has used this issue to harass and discourage me for as long as I can remember and I have followed him down that rabbit hole more times than I would care to admit. At what point did I stop listening to God's message of love and encouragement and begin hearing nothing but the voice of the enemy whispering messages of discouragement?  How did I let myself become so deceived about what God really asks of me?

I blame adolescence.  Hormones, high school, and home problems.  That's the point where I stopped listening to the loving encouragement of my family about my true identity and started taking a serious look at the other females around me and how much better they were than me at just about everything.  It makes me laugh to look back at it now, because I realize that most of them were looking around thinking the same things.  We were all awash in the sea of adolescent anxiety, with its 50 foot waves of hormones, and rational thought was swamped!  Surrounded by that intense experience of not measuring up, many of us began using the same defense mechanism--putting the others down through criticism and gossip in order to make ourselves feel better. 

If those kinds of choices ended with high school, it probably wouldn't be so bad, but often that way of coping with comparison goes on for decades, ruining friendships and leading to superficial relationships in every area of life.  Comparison becomes a way of life; a slow spiral downward of negativity and discouragement.

This is not the life God chooses for me, as His daughter.  He speaks to me in the same voice he used with the Woman at the Well (John, Chapter Four), the Woman caught in Adultery (John, Chapter Eight), and Martha (Luke, Chapter 10).  He offers encouragement based on truth.  He doesn't condemn my mistakes; He encourages me to acknowledge them and then move past them.  I can stop falling into the comparison trap when looking at the women around me.  I can see each of us as who we really are.  I am not a Barbie doll--perfect in a superficial, manufactured kind of way.  I am His--and that is enough. That is the truth about who I am--I am chosen and I am loved; I am forgiven and I am redeemed. 

Getting my Good Enough From God

I recently participated in a group discussion on Facebook among women who are studying together the book "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope.  Many of the topics we discussed were light-hearted and and revolved around our preparations for the upcoming Holiday Season.  There was one question, however, that unified the group in an way I did not expect.

The question:  "What doubt do you want to turn away from?"

The answers:  Almost every answer revolved around the statement "That I am not good enough".

I'm not a good enough mother.  I'm not a good enough wife.  I'm not a good enough daughter.  The list moved on from there. . .I'm not good enough at my job or in my church position.  My words aren't good enough; I'm a terrible cook or housekeeper.  I'm not a good enough neighbor. 

That's a lot of doubt my friends!  Every single comment contained some aspect of the "good enough" issue!  As I read them, my heart ached for all of us.  This was a group of godly women brought together in fellowship and caring and our number one doubt concerned being "good enough" for everyone around us. 

Frankly, I was surprised that so many were willing to share this burden.  I knew I felt that way, and I knew a few others struggled with this issue, but I thought we were in the minority.  I look around at work and at church and in the mall and I see a lot of women who seem to have things pretty well in hand.  They appear confident and happy.  They couldn't possibly feel as overwhelmed and unworthy as I do, at times.

I guess the key is that word appear.  It's all on the outside--the confidence; the calm exterior.  It's like piece of wrapping paper that we put around ourselves as a protective armor, thinking that if the package is wrapped up nicely no one will see the doubt and discouragement lurking beneath.  But, wrapping paper makes terrible armor!  It gets worn and it tears and soon some of what is hiding becomes visible.  We can get so busy re-wrapping ourselves, trying to hide what we don't want others to see, that we never address the real problem.

We aren't good enough.  There isn't enough wrapping paper in the world to keep our unworthiness hidden. 

We need to get our good enough from God.  We need the sacrifice of Christ to cover our crimson sins and make us as white as snow.  We need His love to infuse our thoughts and our words and our actions.  We need to put on God's armor--His belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:13-17).  God's armor will never wear and tear and lay us bare to condemnation.

And we need to remember one more thing--"We do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  (Hebrews 4:15-17) 

I'm pretty sure that means that God has my back. He knows about every doubt, every time I make a mistake or hurt someone I love, every hidden sin, and every word of discouragement that Satan is speaking into my heart.  The writer of Hebrews assures me that God does know my pain; He sees my tears and hears the unspoken doubts in my heart.  Jesus can sympathize with every bit of the ugly I experience because He came and lived in this ugly world and He hurt, too.  He endured all of that for me, so that I could come to Him and lay all of my burdens at His feet and surrender my pain and doubt to Him.  I can tell Him that I hurt and that nothing I do seems to be good enough, and He will hold me close and look me in the eyes and tell me the truth. . . .

God is my good enough. 

The Woman at the Well

She was used to the attention of men; married five times and living with a different man now, she was familiar with their ways.  She was also very aware of how easily their attention could be turned elsewhere.  At one time, she might have considered herself attractive to the opposite sex, but not anymore.  If you have been discarded like trash, even once, it is hard to have a positive view of your worth.  It's not hard to imagine how she pinned her hopes on each new relationship, thinking "maybe this time I will be loved".  It's also not hard to imagine how those hopes dimmed with each rejection. 

It only took a couple of failed relationships for the women of the town to begin to turn their back on her.  None of them wanted her close to them or their families.  What if she decided to go after their husband, or their brother?  No--that was too big a risk to take.  At first the women were subtle.  Every time she sought out their company, they were conveniently busy.  The trips to draw water were very quiet for her, and she found herself at the back of the group, listening to the bits of conversation and laughter that drifted her direction.  Once or twice, she thought she heard her name--and then she realized they weren't calling to her, they were talking about her.  She got the hint, after a while, and began making the trip on her own, and everyone was relieved.

And, that's where we find her.  Approaching the well and finding a man waiting there.  A man she has never seen before; a stranger--perhaps a traveler.  He is clearly Jewish.  It would be unseemly for her to talk to him, even with her reputation, and so she prepares to quietly draw the needed water from the well.

"Will you give me a drink?"  Jesus asks.

She is startled at being spoken to by a Jewish man, and by the tender tone of His voice.  She feels compelled to answer Him, and thus begins one of most powerful stories of redemption in the Bible.  By the time this tale ends, she has found acceptance--and along with it, peace and hope.  She is transformed, in the space of a single conversation, into a powerful witness for Jesus and His ability to turn ashes into beauty.  She is unafraid to return to her village and share her experience with everyone she meets.  And the villagers, stunned by the clear change in her, follow her example and seek out the company of Jesus.  Many of them also accept Him as their Savior.

Why did they listen to her?  Why did they find her testimony compelling?  The Bible tells us it is because of something incredible that she said.

"He told me everything I ever did."

Everything?  No secrets?  Nothing held back?  That's what impressed her most.  Jesus knew every sordid detail of her life, and His voice was still tender; His expression was still accepting.  Her life was an open book to Jesus, yet He did not turn His back on her.  Her neighbors hadn't known half of the mistakes she had made, and they couldn't bear her company.  Jesus knew everything and still loved her.

That is what I love best about her story.  Jesus uses this woman to teach everyone about mercy and grace.  What if your life was transparent to everyone you encountered?  How would you be treated?  I have to ask myself how I would feel if everyone I knew could know my every thought and see each hidden sin.  The answer is devastating--I would be rejected and alone.

Jesus knows.  Everything. 

That knowledge doesn't stop Him from pursuing me and loving me and forgiving me. 

That knowledge is why He offered Himself in my place. 

That knowledge is my only hope!  For if Jesus can know EVERYTHING I have ever thought or done, and still value me--I must be loved greatly by Him.  To be loved like that enables me to see myself as He sees me.  To be loved like that is to be drawn to love in return. 

And, when that happened, nothing in my life was the same again. 

Yes, Lord

Dear Lord,

You know how I am struggling, right now, to balance my mornings and make sure my study time/prayer time is not cut short or spent doing things that don't bring us closer together.  It is so easy to get caught up in doing my Bible study leader responsibilities that I lose sight of who/what I am studying about! 

You lord--all for You and all about You. 

To know You. 
To hear You. 
To obey You. 

This is what it means to have You as Lord of my life.

Lately, I have felt You call me to pray. Not just praying during my regular devotional time--other times and other places--to ask others if I can pray with them and for them.  To be bold and let others know that I believe in Your ability to change our lives and also change our circumstances. To share that I believe faith in You changes things, and that the best thing is that faith changes people. . . .changes ME!

I want to answer this call because I know You are preparing me for even bigger ways to serve You and honor You.  Because, if I can't answer Your call to serve in this small way, and experience what You can do through me, then I will never be ready to say YES to anything else You ask me to do. 

All You have asked me to do is pray and to live Your love to those around me through these prayers.

To know You. 
To hear You.
To obey You. 

And so, I obeyed.  I prayed with my co-worker who is grieving over deaths and illness in her family.  I prayed with my son over lost scholarship funds.  I prayed with my friend visiting her new baby in the special care nursery.  Each time I asked them if I could pray with them, my fear of rejection became a bit smaller.  Each time they smiled and bowed their head with me.  Each time they thanked me for that prayer. 

Each time I received the biggest blessing--the blessing that comes from obeying and being filled with a sense of purpose that comes from Someone much greater than me.  The blessing of saying #YesToGod. 

The Monkey Jar

Years ago, when I was in my teens, I heard about the monkey jar for the first time.  I think, perhaps, it was a missionary speaking about his travels--both the spiritual experiences and the cultural differences that he had learned from.  I don't remember where he said he had traveled; I would guess it was somewhere in Asia.  I do, however, remember learning how to catch a monkey,

I'm sure you've probably seen monkeys at the zoo.  They are fast--they climb, they jump, they cling and they swing--I know I wouldn't want to try to chase one!  Actually, no one wants to, and that is the reason for the monkey jar.  It's simple really; the trapper places a piece of fruit (that barely fits through the opening) into a jar or clay pot and leaves it out in the open.  The monkey is attracted by the scent of the fruit and investigates, finding a sweet offering that is easy pickings.  The monkey places its hand into the jar to retrieve the fruit, but then cannot get its hand out of the jar without letting go of the fruit.   If only it could open its fist and let go of what seems so important!  But, the same greedy appetite that attracted the monkey to the jar, keeps it a prisoner. The trapper can approach the monkey and contain it with a net or a rope because the monkey will not let go of the "treasure" it has found.

I thought of the monkey the other night as I was trying to fall asleep.  All evening my thoughts had been consumed with various ideas, concerns, and responsibilities; racing through one "important" thing to do after another.  I was primarily concerned about my new role as a leader for my OBS Facebook small group.  My mind was filled with questions and ideas and seemed to jump from thought to thought in my enthusiasm about facilitating our study of "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" by Lysa TerKeurst.  One minute I was considering Facebook parties and group participation contests and the next minute I was pondering blog topics.  As my thoughts careened about my head, I realized the evening had passed and I had not accomplished a thing!  My brain was so full of ideas that nothing cohesive was happening.  I was so greedy for my own accomplishment that I was trapped by the enormity of my plans.  My brain was so full, as I grasped at doing things perfectly, that I could not use it to do anything.

I've felt trapped like that for days.  Each day I would open my email or visit the study blog and find something else I needed to do; spinning my wheels doing important things and never getting traction on the best things.  I held on tight--doing what I do best--making lists of important tasks and multitasking through the job at hand--striving to do each task as perfectly as possible.  I tried to focus on Jeremiah 29:13, "You will seek Me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart", but it seemed like my "seeker" wasn't working very well.  My joy was slipping away and I was feeling panicky. 

That changed this morning.  I began my quiet time by reading the blog and posting the link for my group, and then I sat down to study.  I was working on the questions for chapter two and realized that God wanted to talk to me about how I am taking care of myself and how I set boundaries.  He spoke to me about the "junk" in my life--too much time in front of the TV at night, treating myself to the wrong foods because I was stressed out, and the time I was wasting comparing myself to others.  These habits have become poison to my body and my soul.  God asked me to consider that fact that I am not perfect.  He wanted me to realize that I cannot do everything, be everything, experience everything, and have everything; that is greedy--just like the monkey with his hand in the jar.  I can't hold on to everything; it's a trap--just like the fragrant fruit.  It might seem desirable, but it leads to captivity and death.  No, my hands must be opened to let go of the things that are holding me back and they must stay open to receive the blessings God is waiting to place there. I don't get to tell God just how I want things done and I don't get to grab the blessings of my choice, because grabbing leads me right back to the monkey jar of things I can't let go of.  My palms must be up and my heart must be open to say "where are You leading and what do You want of me, Lord?"

It's time to say "NO" to paralyzing perfectionism; "NO" to hours wasted on mindless entertainment; "NO" to medicating my stress with food.  It's time to take my hand out of these monkey jars and experience the true freedom that comes with obedience.

Choose the Golden Door

Today is July 4th; a day of barbeques and apple pie; patriotic parades and fireworks.  It is a jubilant day here in the USA, and rightfully so.  We celebrate the birth of a nation fundamentally different from any other at the time of its conception; a nation that inspired incredible sacrifice by the men and women who founded it and the dreams of countless thousands since that time.  At the core of its foundational principles is the freedom of choice.  We can choose to speak--or be silent; to assemble with others--or remain alone; to carry a weapon--or to employ other defenses; to worship--or to eschew religion in any form.  All of these choices, and so many more, are within our purview each day--so long as we do not choose in ways that invade the rights of others to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

How many empires have been founded on individual choice, rather than on the will of the group?   How many great nations have been able to bind the individual sacrifices of many into a whole that defines each person AND the entire nation?  While this country celebrates those heroes and their sacrifices, both historical and current, we do not elevate them to the position of royalty.  For in that act of setting some individuals as intrinsically superior to others, we deny the basis of our fundamental belief that all men are created equal and all are able to pursue their own course in this world.  

In this essential belief, we see the hand of God at work in the framing of this nation.  There is nothing more important to God than our freedom to choose.  Sin would not exist were it not for our freedom to choose.  We would not have hope for the rescue from sin if not for our freedom to choose the price paid for us on Calvary.  God will not populate Heaven with those who do not want to be there, or with those who do not love Him.  He will not dictate our love or our actions, but He will answer our cry to be rescued when we do choose Him.

I've never visited the Statue of Liberty--perhaps someday I shall have that opportunity--but I have always loved the poem "The New Colossus", by Emma Lazarus, that is engraved on a tablet inside the pedestal:

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame.
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

What a lovely description of the gift offered by this country called The United States of America!  You don't have to be someone the world considers "great" to be accepted in this country.  We believe you can start from nothing and become anything you choose to work toward.  The key to success begins with the "yearning to breathe free".
 
I challenge you to re-read it and imagine this is the voice of the Savior calling out to those who ache for more than what this world has to offer.  Are you tired?  Poor?  Yearning for freedom?  What God offers is His perfect rest, His riches in glory, and His freedom from bondage to sin--nothing in this world can compare!  He lifts His lamp beside the Golden Door and invites us, one and all, to enter in.