I stood in the kitchen, late on Friday afternoon, applying the last of the icing to my daughter's birthday cake. I did a quick run through of what I had accomplished in the past week, and what remained to be done. I've been focusing my energy in 2012 on getting rid of the junk in my life that is just holding me down, holding me captive, and holding me back from some goals I've had for a while. Those goals:
- a tidy, uncluttered home
- a tidy, uncluttered TO DO list
- a tidy, uncluttered mind
- a tidy, uncluttered body
As I applied the cream cheese icing (my favorite!) to the cake, I realized that I had planned to get serious about returning to my pre-Holiday Season exercise routine this week (part of developing a tidy, uncluttered body). In my mind I berated myself, "Sandi! How could you make it through Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday and not get in another day of walking!? You know you were supposed to walk at least 2 miles, at least 3 times this week. If you keep skipping your walks, you're never going to be able to run that 5K this Spring."
I searched my mind, trying to figure out what gone wrong with my plans. Oh yeah--Wednesday evening I went shopping with my husband for my daughter's birthday gift. On Thursday I'd undergone an outpatient medical test, and basically was wobbly-legged and swimmy-headed for the rest of the day. Today I had rushed from work to pick up the last minute party supplies and then returned home to bake a red velvet cake and 18 chocolate cupcakes. It was now 5:00, I was icing the cake, and Sabbath would soon arrive (Thank goodness! I seriously need the physical, mental, and spiritual rest!!) Never mind that I had walked about 3 miles on Monday & Tuesday. And I had added about 20 minutes of Yoga to my day, every day but Thursday this week. And followed my eating changes pretty successfully every day. (OK there was a Krispy Kreme doughnut this morning. . . .)
STOP BEING MEAN TO SANDI!!!
That's what popped in my mind. And I was right; I needed to stop talking trash to myself as if I were some sort of horrible person. It was a big, busy week; I had survived it and even enjoyed huge portions of it. At that moment, I realized the first, and most important, part of having a "tidy, uncluttered mind". I must quit dumping garbage in my heart and mind. I must stop listening to the people who never encourage me, but seem to have no difficulty letting me know what my problems are and what I'm doing wrong--including me. I need to recognize that only the Holy Spirit has any business telling me what I need to change. Oh, He might use some of the people in my life, and I'm cool with that. But, if the only thing you have to tell me is what I'm doing wrong, then clearly you don't know me very well, and you're the last person I need to be listening to right now. I'm starting with myself--no more trash talking to Sandi.
Now, I guess I need to add one more thing to my list of goals:
- tidy, uncluttered conversations/relationships