Thursday, November 14, 2013

I Am Not A Barbie Doll

Comparisons have been a struggle for me since the day my sister was born.  But, it didn't stop there--with each new sibling (there are four of us) another competitor entered the ring.  Just as my youngest sister arrived, I entered Kindergarten and found out there were a lot of kids all trying to get the attention of one teacher!  They all needed hugs and encouragement, and so I learned more about sharing both toys and affection.  I think that's how the trap of comparison begins.  The lesson that it's "not all about me" is an important one, but somehow it is so easily distorted into a message that we will never be as good as the others around us.  At least that's how it is for many of the women I know. 

We compare our appearance, our education, our children, and our spouses.  We compare our recipes at church potluck dinners and the decor in our homes.  In nearly every woman's mind is a small voice asking

"Why can't I cook like she does?"

"Why are my children the only ones acting up?"

"How does she get her hair to do that?"

"When will I get my act together and get my house decorated like hers?"

"Why did she get credit for her project, but I didn't get any for mine?"


 The devil has used this issue to harass and discourage me for as long as I can remember and I have followed him down that rabbit hole more times than I would care to admit. At what point did I stop listening to God's message of love and encouragement and begin hearing nothing but the voice of the enemy whispering messages of discouragement?  How did I let myself become so deceived about what God really asks of me?

I blame adolescence.  Hormones, high school, and home problems.  That's the point where I stopped listening to the loving encouragement of my family about my true identity and started taking a serious look at the other females around me and how much better they were than me at just about everything.  It makes me laugh to look back at it now, because I realize that most of them were looking around thinking the same things.  We were all awash in the sea of adolescent anxiety, with its 50 foot waves of hormones, and rational thought was swamped!  Surrounded by that intense experience of not measuring up, many of us began using the same defense mechanism--putting the others down through criticism and gossip in order to make ourselves feel better. 

If those kinds of choices ended with high school, it probably wouldn't be so bad, but often that way of coping with comparison goes on for decades, ruining friendships and leading to superficial relationships in every area of life.  Comparison becomes a way of life; a slow spiral downward of negativity and discouragement.

This is not the life God chooses for me, as His daughter.  He speaks to me in the same voice he used with the Woman at the Well (John, Chapter Four), the Woman caught in Adultery (John, Chapter Eight), and Martha (Luke, Chapter 10).  He offers encouragement based on truth.  He doesn't condemn my mistakes; He encourages me to acknowledge them and then move past them.  I can stop falling into the comparison trap when looking at the women around me.  I can see each of us as who we really are.  I am not a Barbie doll--perfect in a superficial, manufactured kind of way.  I am His--and that is enough. That is the truth about who I am--I am chosen and I am loved; I am forgiven and I am redeemed. 

10 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing such wonderful insights! Thank GOD we are not Barbie dolls! God makes us each with unique gifts to compliment each other not compare!
    God Bless,
    Nancy S (OBS Small Group Leader)

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  2. sandi you really know how to put it all together Glad we are not Barbie's too!! God really knew what He was doing when he made each of us different...That is why we should be thankful for what He has done for us... :)

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    1. Thank you, Lynn--I'm learning to be content in my uniqueness!

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  3. Wow, Sandi, I just loved your blog post! Thank you so much for sharing with us. I loved the part: "I am not a Barbie doll--perfect in a superficial, manufactured kind of way. I am His--and that is enough. That is the truth about who I am--I am chosen and I am loved; I am forgiven and I am redeemed." So true! Thank you for reminding me of this! :)

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    1. I'm glad that the blog spoke to your heart and reminded you of how much God loves you :)

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  4. I relate to your post. I was told in junior high that a guy who had liked me the year before thought I was ugly. How crushing that was to a junior high gal! That comment stuck with me into adulthood. Fortunately, I got past that and can look in a mirror and think differently now. I can see myself as God sees me.

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  5. Those unkind words at times when we are tender can do the most damage. I'm glad you are learning to see the real you--the one that God sees.

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  6. I so love this! I, too, find myself playing the comparison game way too often. Thank you for sharing your heart here. This is a lesson I am learning myself!

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  7. Hello Sandi Brewer. so good to know you through your profile on the blogger. I am so glad that could stop by your blog "Finally writing" and the post on it "I am not a Barbie Doll". Thank you so much for a very encouraging writing. I liked the finishing sentence. "I am not a barbie doll-perfect in a superficial manufactured kind of way. I am HIS -and that is enough. That is the truth about who I am - I am chosen and I am loved, I am forgiven and I am redeemed". What a conclusion to your begingijng of the writing. You have blessed me and what a blessed sharing. I am sure many are going to the touched by this. Well I am in the Pastoral ministry for last 34yrs in the great city of MUMBAI, INDIA a city with great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reachout to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourage young people as well as adults from the West to come to Mumbai on a short term missions trip to work with us during their summer vacation. We would love to have you come with your Nursing profession many are going to be touched physically as well as spiritually. We conduct Medical Camps in the slums. Due to poor sanitation many people have different diseases and because of their poverty they do not get any medical treatment. Please pray about this and would love to hear from you very soon. My email id is : dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear from you.

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