It began in an online Bible study group that we both
belonged to; I learned a bit of her story and she learned a bit of mine. Our
group was pretty close-knit, but sharing my whole heart and soul was still hard
for me. I was wrestling with powerful not good enough feelings in my
current friendships and struggled to be completely vulnerable.
I prayed for her—for health concerns and her children. She
prayed for me—for family losses and stress at work. We exchanged messages on
Facebook about our work as Small Group Leaders. It felt natural and easy and we
enjoyed helping each other. Wendy took the first step toward vulnerability and
sharing, and I felt drawn to her; I felt a strong desire to be a part of her
story.
Wendy and I met in person for the first time in August 2014
at a book launch event. Normally, she would be a thousand miles away, but she
and her son Alex were on a road trip exploring Civil War battle sites and would
be able to attend the event in Charlotte, NC. I was so excited to meet her!
So were about 40 other people she knew through Proverbs 31
Ministries.
We exchanged a brief hello and she was whisked away to meet
more of the women attending. It was a short, but powerful, first impression. I
could see that Wendy had all the friends she needed and there was little need
for me in her life. It was pretty much what I’d experienced with every new
school I’d entered as a kid.
What surprised me was a series of messages, after that
first encounter, leading up to the OBS Retreat in September. Wendy wanted some
time to talk alone—apart from the bustle of a crowd of women. I assured her
this would happen, but she seemed uncertain I would follow through.
I arrived at the Retreat with a heart tender from the events of the morning. I messaged Wendy to see if she had arrived; it seemed like we
would never be in the same place, but eventually we connected! It was important
to me that she know I would keep my promise and that I wanted to get to know
her better. I asked if she would like to go for a walk and we headed down the
path…about ten yards, to the first available bench. As we sat down, I turned
toward her and dove immediately into a pretty serious topic we had messaged
about recently. As we talked, I realized our connection was just so powerful!
We could finish each other’s sentences from the beginning (OK, I might have been
interrupting…) and I felt like she could read my thoughts. We ended up sitting
together for every meeting and almost every meal, and we went for a ten-yard
walk to that bench on Saturday and Sunday, too.
On Saturday, the speaker encouraged us to consider the
dream God had put in our hearts. I knew what mine was, but I was afraid to say
it out loud. When Wendy and I took our ten-yard walk, she sensed that I was
holding something in and she asked me about it. I dared to tell her about my
idea to write a series of blog posts about the ways the different people in my
life had influenced me; I wanted to share the “songs” they had taught me.
My Mockingbird idea was laid out in full view.
I was terrified to be so open about my dream, but Wendy
loved the idea! She made me promise to write it. She asked me to make a weekly
appointment with myself, and promised to hold me accountable (and she has). She
offered to review and edit my posts and told me she would always be completely
honest about my writing (and she has). Because she tells me what she doesn’t
like and what doesn’t ring true, I know I can believe her when she tells me
it’s “just right”.
We said good-bye on Sunday with trepidation. I know we both
wondered if our date to talk on the phone the next Sunday would actually
happen. She was afraid I would forget her when she was 1000 miles away. I was
afraid I would never be anyone’s first choice. But our fears were never
realized. We talked for an hour that first Sunday; we talked for 90 minutes the
Sunday after that. Each day and week and month and year have brought us closer
together, as we intentionally and truthfully connect and help each other grow.
And that is the song that Wendy taught me and teaches me
every single day. The Song of Truth is the bedrock of our
friendship; we share our heart even when it is hard. I know the real Wendy, and
love and admire her because she shares herself with me. She knows exactly who I
am and loves the real me. And then she challenges me to grow. I am more than good
enough and always her first choice!
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